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      Blog — Yiddish Proverbs

      What Does “Fools And Weeds Grow Without Rain" Mean?

      Cartoon depicting the Yiddish quote, “Fools And Weeds Grow Without Rain"

      Naronim on kropeveh vaksen on regen.

      As mentioned in another blog article, the Yiddish language recognizes the subtle differences between the many kinds of fools that manifest themselves in human form with a comprehensive list of diagnostic categories. These labels are peppered throughout our arsenal of Yiddish proverbs, expressions, and insults. But sometimes, as with this particular proverb, we’ve needed to make a broader, more inclusive statement about all fools, no matter their idiosyncrasies. In such a case, we employ the term “Nar”, or its plural, “Naronim.”

      The sweeping generalization made in this proverb acts as half warning, half resigned-statement. Weeds and fools are both unrelentingly, eerily resilient species that, yard after yard, generation after generation, respectively, remain a fact of life with which we must deal.

      This expression always reminds me of my mother. (Why, then, did I not choose to immortalize her in this card’s illustration? Well, because to accurately capture my mother, the caricature would need to embody “freakishly-youthful beauty”—a quality that does not make for good visual comedy.) My mum, also an artist (although a far more mature one than yours truly), effortlessly weaves her creativity into everything she does; and gardening is no exception. Beyond artistic passions, Mum’s gift for gardening is also born of her innate maternal, nurturing quality. I think the latter connection exists for a lot of women—and some men.

      Although my mother has always gardened on some scale, I have noticed a possible correlation between the age at which one’s children leave home, and a quickly-developing, sometimes-obsessive gardening habit. (That or a horse habit.) This Croc-wearing, trowel-toting, “I’d Rather Be Gardening”-bumper-sticker-boasting, premenopausal movement is especially present here in Vermont.

      With all this said, given my artistic background, my geographic location, my loyalty to Subaru, and the fact that my interests have always, despite my age, aligned me most closely with the average quinquagenarian, one would think I’d be a card-carrying member of the Great Gardening Guild. (I’m even, unlike my husband, delightfully undaunted by dirt!)

      Well, no such luck.

      My thumb, as it turns out, is as black as the very soil I’ve failed to tame. Maybe it has to do with my sometimes-manic impatience or my lack of inherent maternal instinct (the idea of having children still makes my throat start to close). Whatever it is, it is. I was greatly disappointed to discover that I didn’t take to gardening the way others swore I would. (Similar to the condescending assurance parents give us progeny-free adults: You’ll see! Once you have kids an inherent drive takes over, and you won’t be able to imagine ever having been weary of this facet of life! I’ve always been appalled by this, what I perceive to be the ultimate gamble. After all, stunted tiger lilies and dust-collecting gardening paraphernalia are one thing, but bailing on parenting postpartum seems a little much. Even to me.)

      I read an article once that shed great light on the gardening phenomenon that, as a neurotic Jew, got me very intrigued. To me, it explains the frenzied and seemingly intoxicating collective-awakening that befalls gardeners every spring. (I recommend that you stay the hell out of their way and don’t expect a lot of eye contact until at least mid-June.) Apparently, scientists have discovered a kind of bacteria that exists in soil that “may affect the brain in a similar way to antidepressants.” While fascinating—and a lovely thought, really—I’d be curious to know how many Jews were included in this study. All I know is that this Ashkenazi’s issues are a little more advanced than even the most medicinal-manure can mitigate. Alas, after all the natural approaches I have tried (I’m always a fan of nature before pharma), I am resigned to the fact that my ongoing quest for balance rests on mainlining SSRIs and getting my tuchus to the shrink on a weekly basis. And so it goes. ...

      Now where was I?! Ah, yes! Fools, weeds, and Mum’s green thumb! The genius of this adage is that its metaphor can be interpreted in more than one way: Not only does it call out a kinship between fools and weeds, but this proverb’s paralleling prompts us to ponder if perhaps there’s a lesson to be learned here about how we should approach the weeds and fools of life. Hear me out! As any avid gardener will tell you, beyond backaches, bug bites, and the blinding burn of sweat-streaked sunscreen in their eyes, the ongoing war they wage against weeds is by far the most frustrating facet of gardening. At this point, I must once again invoke my mother here because the extreme nature of her heady hatred toward her nemesis, the weed, serves as the ultimate case study. ...

      Without fail, every time my Mum pulls into our driveway there is a longer-than-expected lapse of time between the sound of her car door shutting and our doorbell ringing. The woman cannot walk by a weed without angrily prying it from its self-appointed post. Each time, newly-appalled by their audacity at implanting themselves where they clearly did not belong, she chastises the renegade roots at full volume. (Given what I’ve told you about my proclivity for horticulture, or lack thereof, you can imagine this takes quite a while.)

      My mother’s ongoing battle with the brazen bottom-feeders of botany illustrates the aforementioned second-half of this proverb’s potential: there’s a lesson to be learned from Mum’s fervent but infuriatingly futile efforts; a lesson in how to manage the less-than-desirable-yet-inescapable facts of life, be them weeds, fools, or the countless other ageless annoyances.

      As I see it, we’ve got three options:

      1. Ignore the weeds. Let them choke out our horticultural efforts and overtake our plots.
      2. Mount our trusty steeds (or in this case our Craftsman mowers) and wage war. Spend big bucks on every Weed-No-More and Death-to-Dandelions product out there. Waste late nights trolling Internet forums for insider tips: Lay shower curtains and carpet scraps. Douse our lawns in bleach, and soak our yards with WD-40 (all real search results, I swear) until our grounds become patchy wastelands; the only result being that the weeds are treated to a little more legroom, and we start receiving threatening letters from the Condo Board. Neither seems all that appealing now does it? Well, luckily, there’s a third option. ...
      3. Buddhists and avid watchers of the OWN Network alike promote the concept of “acceptance,” the idea of non-striving, non-judgmental awareness.

      So what in G-d’s name does this have to do with weeds or fools, you ask? Well, I propose that this proverb (yes, remember the proverb?), though silly on the surface, is actually hinting at something quite profound: we need to know that weeds and fools exist, and will always exist. We shouldn’t ignore them, but we shouldn’t rage against them either. Instead, it’s best to remain aware of them and act accordingly:

      • We can accept their presence, surrender the desire to rid ourselves of these nuisances at all costs, and live life in spite of them.
      • We can work around ‘em.
      • And maybe, just maybe, we can work with them and learn to appreciate them as a part of life.

      Not buying it? Well, ask your kids (or, if you’re like me, your inner child) if you don’t believe me. To a five-year-old, fools are tops! Life would be so boring without them. I know I certainly couldn’t imagine childhood without the foolish antics of Wile E. Coyote, the cats Sylvester and Tom, or the ultimate animated fool, Mr. Homer Simpson (not only a fool, but a kal ve-khoymer as well!).

      And what about the fools’ botanical brethren? Surely even an innocent child would be hard-pressed to find any value in the wretched weed. Right? Not so fast! Despite my anxious aversion to all things great and small, even I couldn’t make sense of my mother’s deep-seated (or -seeded?) disdain for weeds. Many a childhood summer, while my goyish peers displayed stunning feats of hand-eye coordination, I would sit for hours, my chubby legs crossed, my eyes squinting into the summer sun, making crowns and necklaces out of those magical, ever-present, downright-dandy yellow “flowers.”

      What can I say? Even weeds have their place. Look to the children, people. …

      Just keep them the hell away from me.

      Appropriate usage?

      While strolling side-by-side on a pair of treadmills, Gloria is venting to her best friend Joy about her good-for-nothing-headache-of-a-son Aaron; a practice that seems as old as their almost-40-year friendship…

      Gloria: “I tell you, Joy, it’s the same story with that kid! He’s 52-years-old and we’re still waiting for him to grow up! No wonder Danny’s finished with him—he thinks I’m crazy to keep taking Aaron’s calls, but, Joy, you know this, as a mother, I just can’t—Oy, I suffer for that one! Really I do!”

      Joy: “You don’t have to tell me, Glo, I’ve watched you and suffered along with you! Your Danny doesn’t want to hear about his Luftmensch of a son, so guess who has to! It’s not another one of those pyramid schemes is it? I love you, Glo, but I’m running out of closet space and my grandkids are getting wise to my regifting efforts at Chanukah ... really, there are only so many craft projects a seven-year-old can do with aluminum foil and back issues of Motocross Monthly!”

      Gloria: “Tell me about it! Danny and I are still eating through the aftermath of Aaron’s foray into VegeVital! Oh, Joy … where did I go wrong?”

      Joy: “Glo, don’t you dare! Look at Alan! You raised him under the same roof and he’s a true mensch … and a podiatrist yet! Aaron is not your fault. How many times do I have to tell you? Fools and weeds grow without rain.

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      What Does “A Fool Falls On His Back And Bruises His Nose" Mean?

      Cartoon depicting the Yiddish quote, “A Fool Falls On His Back And Bruises His Nose"

      A shlamazel falt oifen ruken un tseklapt zikh dem noz.

      Fun Fact! Typically we see shlamazel translated as fool because it’s the closest thing the English language has to offer. Yiddish is heavy into negative terminology, and, not surprisingly, it offers a healthy array of vocabulary for the many, many specific kinds of fools. (Very specific.) Shlamazel refers to the unlucky fool. A more appropriate translation might be loser but that probably seems a tad mean, even for us.

      Now just wait a minute. Before all you diehard physicists out there dismiss this perfectly good adage on principle, let me explain. As you may have gathered, if we Jews are intent on making a statement, we’re sure as hell not going to let trivial details such as the “laws” of physics and “logic” impede our mission! The Yiddish language boasts a multitude of richly hyperbolic claims about fools. Think of it this way: they’re kind of like our version of “Yo Mama” jokes. Exaggeration is key!

      And sure, our proverbs about fools may seem foolishly impossible, but can you honestly say you’ve never met a fool who was just downright impossibly foolish? Huh? See what I did there?

      Hello?! Wait a minute ... you’re not even listening, are you?!! Oh, I see—I lost you at shlamazel, didn’t I? Trying to place it are you? No, it wasn’t the Yiddish word that was comically and embarrassingly mispronounced by the shiksa-of-all-shiksas and Newsweek’s own “Queen of Rage,” Michele Bachmann. (That was chutzpah.) It dates a little further back. Let me help you out; say it with me:

      ”One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight!
      Schlemiel! Shlamazel! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!”
      [Aaaand, cue the music!]

      Satisfied? Now for those of you for whom all that ditty did was trigger a memory of that bit in Wayne’s World that you never understood, it’s time that you Google it. I’m not saying the song will make any more sense (all it amounts to is a reference to two subtly different varieties of fool* and an entrepreneurial rabbit stew), but at the very least you’ll discover, as everyone should, that Penny Marshall hung out in front of the camera for quite a while before she joined her brother, Gary, behind it.

      I live to educate, don’t mention it.

      Appropriate usage?

      Over Mahjong, the ladies discuss the weekly goings-on. Ethel, the resident yenta, her finger on the pulse as usual, speaks first…

      Ethel: “Nu? Did you hear?”

      Sharon: “About what, Ethel? Spit it out, already! We know you’re dying to tell!”

      Ethel: “Feh! You love it! Well, Marty Jacobs had quite the week!”

      Sarah:Now what happened??”

      Rina: [tsk] “That poor shlamazel. ... ”

      Ethel: “He was in the exercise room the other day; you know how he loves that Stairmaster!”

      Sharon: “Oy! Does he ever! I’ve never seen a man so content on climbing nowhere!”

      Sarah: “Personally, I think it’s odd that he uses a ladies’ machine. I’m only saying. ... Didn’t that Suzanne Sommers invent it? If I were Diana Jacobs, I’d be mortified that my husband exercises on a ladies’ machine! What a shonda!“

      Rina: “Oh, Sarah! Join the 21st century, will you? And that Suzanne did the Thigh Mister, you dummy! And that was ages ago! Didn’t do me a lot of good. I was on that thing day and night after Jakey was born. I think Stan uses it as a tie rack now—”

      Sharon: “Anyway! What happened to Marty Jacobs?! No wonder we can’t play a full game! We can’t even finish a fakakta story!”

      Ethel: “Well! The number four Stairmaster, by the ficus? Well, it’s been out of order since Merna Hellerman thought she was Tonya Harding or somebody and took it up to level 10 and burned the motor out. Well, of all people, Marty Jacobs goes waltzing up to the thing and, one-two-three, the next thing you know his back is out and he’s got a shiner like in the movies!!!”

      In Chorus: [gasp] “They couldn’t put a sign!?!?!”

      Ethel: “That’s the thing! That young one, Ramone, who’s in charge of the towels? Doles them out like they’re gold. He put a sign and everything, very official, but as it turns out, the Goldberg’s son was down from Manhattan this weekend—the mensch, Jeffery, the Financial Analyst, not the other one, anyway, the one with the wife who swears she hasn’t had work done? Anyway, his kids are running around wild and apparently they ran out of coloring books and decided to move on to David’s sign! It’s probably hanging on the Goldbergs’ Frigidaire as we speak!”

      [Laughter all around]

      Rina: “Oh, Ethel! You’re terrible!!“

      Sharon: “Wait a minute, back to Marty—he fell on his tuchus but wound up with a black eye?! How on Earth did he do that??!”

      Ethel: “Oh, typical Marty. When he fell backwards, so did his fancy Discman he’s always showing off—the one he ordered from the internet on the epay? Anyway, that clunker came crashing down and got him right in the eye! Diane’s having a conniption because her niece’s wedding is this coming weekend and she’s afraid he’s going to ruin the pictures. She’s trying to convince him to wear some of her powder! ‘What a shlamazel’ is right!“

      Rina: [screaming laughter] “Oh my G-d!!!! Girls! It’s just like that saying my father always used to love! How does it go? A fool falls on his back and bruises his nose!

      [Roaring laughter all around]

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      What Does “Better An Egg Today Than An Ox Tomorrow" Mean?

      Cartoon depicting the Yiddish quote, “Better An Egg Today Than An Ox Tomorrow"

      Besser heint an ai aider morgen an ox.

      For you vegans out there who aren’t terribly intrigued by either prospect, allow me to put this wise proverb in a language you can get behind: better a chickpea today than a Tofurky tomorrow. Got it? Cool. Regardless of whether you follow a Paleo, Lacto-ovo Vegetarian, or full-on Andrew Zimmern (a Jew who makes consuming your run-of-the-mill bacon look Kosher) diet, the sentiment here is the same.

      Actually, its truth is not limited to the gastro-realm at all. The expression applies to life in general, but, in true Jewish form, we made it about food. The point is that this proverb reminds us that nothing is certain in life except the here and now. We should therefore be grateful for and not waste whatever we’re fortunate enough to have in this moment, no matter how meager in comparison to what we might gain in the future.

      How’s that for deep? No wonder we made it about food—such a crucial lesson needs to be framed accordingly.

      Appropriate usage?

      Maya stared out the window of her family’s minivan, completely consumed by what her teenage brain perceived to be an earth-shattering crisis of epic proportions. Her little brother, Joey, sat next to her, draining the battery of their mother’s phone by taking pictures of his feet and the long-discarded refuse that had been ground irreversibly into the mini van's carpeting. As her mother, Debbie, drove, she tried to engage Maya in conversation to no avail. Riding shotgun was Zeyde Fisher. Though a man of few words, he was the only one who could still draw Maya out from her often-impenetrable teenage funks. With a nudge from Debbie, Zeyde Fisher began to work his magic…

      Zeyde: “Nu? Vat’s cookin’, bubbeleh? “

      Maya: “Oh Zeyde! The absolutely worstest thi—”

      Debbie: “Worst, honey. Worst.”

      Maya: “UGHH! Whatever, Ma! Anyway. The absolute WORST thing happened!! OK, so, like, you know how the school dance is coming up this weekend and I’ve been waiting for, like, forever for Jake Brach to ask me? I know he’s gonna ask because Jennie told Becky that Gavin said that Jake might have been talking about me after practice two weeks ago. And NO, JOEEEEY, before you say anything, yes there’s another Maya in my grade, but there’s NO way it’s Maya Feldman—she’s totally gross! Anyway, so I’ve been waiting for Jake to ask me and THEN, out of nowhere today during free period, that kid Noah? Who sits next to me in band? Out of nowhere HE asked me to the dance!“

      Debbie: “Is he cute? What does his father do?”

      Maya: “MA! That’s not the point!!!!! I can’t say yes to Noah when any day now Jake, the cutest, most amazing, most popular boy in all of middle school, is going to ask me!!!! Duh!”

      Zeyde: “Bubbeleh? I too vas in similar situation vit your Bubbe. I had my eye on another and your Bubbe, G-d bless her, she vasn’t exactly zee hottest chicky on zee block, and—”

      Debbie: “Dad! That’s horrible!”

      Zeyde: “Oh please, Debovah, it’s no secret. Anyvay, I’m talkink to Maya! My tatteh took me aside and gave me some important advice that I’ll give you now: Better an egg today than an ox tomorrow. It means, take vas you can get now, Bubbeleh—you can’t count on vat’s around the corner, and, if you do, you might end up vith an empty stomach! That reminds me, vere is this restaurant already? G-d villing I don’t starve to death before I see a menu!”

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      What Does “Life Is Like A Child’s Undershirt—Short And Soiled" Mean?

      Cartoon depicting the Yiddish quote, “Life Is Like A Child’s Undershirt—Short And Soiled"

      Dos leben iz vi kinderhemdel—kurts un bash.

      Like many Yiddish proverbs and expressions, this one walks the fine line between gloriously inspiring and soul-crushingly-”what’s-the-point-of-it-all?-I-may-as-well-throw-in-the-towel” bleak. As with most things, it all comes down to perspective: Who is on the receiving end of this adage? Who’s delivering it and with what tone? Are they a glass-half-empty or half-full kind of person? (OK, I realize that the chances of a Jew [myself included] falling into the latter category is as dismal as the way most of us would interpret this adage, but just humor me.) So, yes, while at first this adage may appear to be a harsh and unsavory look at life, let’s endeavor to put on our ill-fitting rosy glasses (I know they pinch at the nose, but it’s only for a minute), do our shrinks proud, and look at it another way.

      If we replace the unfortunate translation of “soiled” with “messy” and ignore the uncomfortable invocation of a child’s undershirt, we’re left with this: Life is short and messy. Is this not inspirational, in that it motivates us to live now and not be afraid to get our hands dirty doing it?! Isn’t this actually a wonderfully positive and encouraging proverb after all?? Nu? OK, fine, you can take your glasses off now.

      Appropriate usage?

      Franny is having Sunday breakfast with her dad, Joe, and, over lox and schmear, venting about her college application process. ...

      Franny: “Tatteh, I’m totally stressing! If I don’t get into my first-choice school, I, like, don’t know what I’m going to do! I don’t really want to go to any of my safety schools, that’s why they’re my safety schools! Plus, it would totally ruin my 5-year plan! If I don’t get in, maybe I should take a semester off so I can retake my SATs and do a ton of community service and learn the cello or something? G-d, why didn’t you and Mummy make me learn an instrument??!?! Trudy Lawrence plays the harp! Not to mention her parents adopted like five kids from China or somewhere! She’s a shoo-in for sure! That’s it. I can’t stray from my five-year plan. It’s the only thing that makes sense. I don’t care how long it takes. ... Wait! Isn’t cousin Robbie adopted? That could wor—”

      Joe: “Bubbeleh, relax. Eat. You’re being meshugga. You want my advice? Plan shpan! Life is like a child’s undershirt—short and soiled! Now shut up and eat. Do you want your bagel heated?”

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      What Does “If You’re Still A Child At 20, You’re An Ass At 21" Mean?

      Cartoon depicting the Yiddish quote, “If You’re Still A Child At 20, You’re An Ass At 21"

      As men is biz tsvantsik your nokh alts a kind iz men eylz tsu eyn-un-tsvantsik.

      Not to sound like an alter koker, but this proverb is more relevant now than ever. Never before has there been a generation in greater need of learning this lesson! But as harsh as this proverb sounds, coming from a Jew it’s actually quite generous. You see, our tradition of the Bar and Bat Mitzvah perpetuates the belief that adulthood starts at 13.

      Thirteen!!

      That’s a hell of a lead time (a whole eight years!) we’re giving young “adults” to get their acts together.

      (On a side note, and at the risk of delving into delicate territory, is it just me or does this proverb strike you as somewhat hypocritical coming from a people known for their smothering ability? Just saying.)

      Appropriate usage?

      Marlene watches as her daughter-in-law folds her grandson’s laundry. After a number of what Marlene feels were sufficiently-audible “tsks” and enough exaggerated head-shaking to force her glasses askew and send a pearl clip-on sailing across the room, she abandons all attempts at subtly and decides to speak up. ...

      Marlene: “Janet dear, don’t you think Joel is a little old for his mother to still be doing his laundry? He’s a junior in college! I had my boys doing chores before they could walk! I’m not telling you how to raise your children, but you know what they say: If you’re still a child at 20, you’re an ass at 21.

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      What Does “You Can’t Make Cheesecakes Out Of Snow” Mean?

      Cartoon depicting the Yiddish quote, “You Can’t Make Cheesecakes Out Of Snow”

      Gomolkes ken men nit fun shney.

      This proverb is a prime example of Yiddish expressions putting all other cultural expressions to shame. Take its more inexplicably prevalent equivalent, “You can’t get blood from a stone,” and its G-rated cousin, “You can’t get water from a stone.” Laughable! Irrelevant and shoddy! Let’s dissect, shall we?

      In the case of the first: Who are these blood enthusiasts?! Was this proverb intended to serve the vampires of the world?! Who else in their right mind lies awake in bed at night fantasizing about that last quart of blood they passed up at dinner? There’s a reason why there’s no chain operating 162 restaurants in 36 states called The Blood Factory! And what hypothetical schmendrik or blood-thirsty undead in search of the sanguine substance would look to the stone of all things?! Nonsense! Our Jewish version is far more logical. It’s a common scenario: snowed in one evening, desperately seeking something sweet, mind racing and creative culinary juices flowing, and, facing this hopeless situation, you stoop to embarrassing lows. Who hasn’t attempted to satiate their craving by nuking a combination of their pantry’s dregs and hoping for the best? The last ancient squares of unsweetened baker’s chocolate and some applesauce? Instant coffee crystals, a couple pulverized packets of Sweet ‘n Low you found at the bottom of your bag, and a half dozen shpritzes of cooking spray? Expired pancake mix and the last of the O.J.? We’ve all been there.

      And when our MacGyver-esque cooking concoctions fail, isn’t it only natural that we look out to the very powdery substance that stranded us to begin with? Anyone, especially in a state of sweets-starved hallucination, may think it possible to make cheesecakes out of snow. After all, in this case, it’s the most abundant ingredient we have available, and the two substances share so many properties! Both are pillowy, white, inviting. A layer of icy flecks can so easily be mistaken for a dusting of sugary crystals: The frozen earth below, a crumbly graham cracker crust. The dome of a fire hydrant peeking out from a drift, a luscious cherry on top. The similarities are endless. (Notice I’ve spared us the obvious canine-inspired pineapple gelée and chocolate fudge comparison. You’re welcome.) By contrast, what qualities does the stone possess that would lead someone to believe that it could produce even a drop of blood?

      I rest my case.

      Now, on to the kiddie version: “You can’t get water from a stone.” This one is dangerously open to debate. If the human body (something that, for all intents and purposes, appears to be a solid) is made up of 70% of the liquid stuff, perhaps getting water from a stone isn’t a totally hopeless endeavor after all. I’m no geologist (thank G-d), but it seems that expression, apart from its obvious banality, has some major holes. We Jews couldn’t take that risk! We can leave no room for optimism! Again, by contrast, our expression successfully drives home the point that, no matter what struggle has prompted the use of this proverb, said struggle is futile and should be abandoned immediately—no matter how hungry you are. Relevant and effective? It doesn’t get better than that…well, except of course a world in which one could make cheesecakes out of snow.

      Appropriate usage?

      Gloria is kvetching to Ilene about her nishtgutnik excuse for a son-in-law. ...

      Gloria: “Three years they’ve been married and he still doesn’t have a job! My Marnie said he just started taking these classes. Take a guess who’s paying for these classes! Anyway, maybe if he can learn a trade, G-d willing, I’ll live long enough, G-d willing, to see him become a decent husband to my Marnie!”

      Ilene: “I hate to say it, Glor, but you know what they say: You can’t make cheesecakes out of snow.

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